Tucker's Bitch
Dec. 14th, 2002 02:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
khaosworksSee Bermaga brainstorm plots. See Bermaga watch Elaan of Troyius and The Perfect Mate. See Bermaga recycle. See audience yawn.
Thoughts while I watch...
Trip plays harmonica blues. My heart leaps as if to think this could be the replacement theme music for Enterprise, but deep down I know I can't be that lucky. And as the credits start up, this is confirmed. Damn you! Damn you for making me hope! But you reckon without the power of the fast forward. Victory is mine yet again. Yes, my life is sad. Shut up.
Man, look at the chin on that alien. Tons of Jay Leno jokes spring fleetingly to mind, but really, I got nothin'. Their noses look like the tips got bitten off, too. Maybe they're Space Lepers.
Yay! Hoshi! A guy from the Television Without Pity boards has been sending me scans of Linda Park's pictorial in Yolk magazine. One has her in hot pants. Gah. All I have to say is, "I'll be in my bunk."
"It's not polite to stare, Commander." Yeah, and that erection in your jumpsuit isn't particularly becoming either, Trip. I don't think drooling on a cryogenically frozen person is good for them. What would you call it - Cryonecrophilia? Which reminds me of an article in this month's Fortean Times, about a guy in Glasgow who got kicked out of the house by his wife when he was found in a blouse and rubber stockings having sex with a frozen chicken. She allegedly said, "You dirty bugger, that's for Sunday lunch!" and he replied, "Don't worry, we can still eat it." Yes, I'm digressing. Yes, I'm bored stiff already. No, not stiff like Trip, but stiff like... oh, you know what I mean. It's only eight minutes into the episode? Jesus God.
"Are you all right?" No, I'm screaming and banging on the glass case of this pod because that's a quaint native greeting from my home planet. Obviously, all the blood has rushed from your brain.
Watch out, Trip! Ow. Crowbar to the head. Never mind. Not a vital spot.
Ahhh! The ship's farting! Sneaky Space Lepers.
"Tu vad at!" Yes, Shaka, when the walls fell to you, too. Hey, it's worth a shot.
"Nu vas ta eva! Des tas!" Translation: My hovercraft is full of eels.
"Has trava! Duc la!" Translation: Try anything and I'll do the Charleston on your forehead with this crowbar.
"Slo vasa to raya!" Translation: Don't anger him, or he'll beat you to death with his woody.
"Am sotey" Translation: Lucy, you got a lot of 'splainin' to do!
Oh, forget it.
"My family is known on hundreds of worlds." What for, wooden acting? Jeez, I've seen more expression from a Cylon.
Krios Prime? So it is "Perfect Mate" all over again. I suddenly remember Famke Jansen and Patrick Stewart in that episode, and compare it to the pair we have here, and I feel like crying. Well, to be honest Connor Trineer isn't too bad - he's actually one of the better actors they have on the show, but the Trip character has never been developed properly beyond the Southern hick stage, which is a supreme tragedy. But I digress again. Because this episode is still boring me out of my fucking skull. Do I really want to watch the rest of this?
"With all due respect, I'm not one'a yer subjects." That's it, Trip. Get all manly and assertive and watch her melt. Like cheese over tuna. I'm hungry. Maybe food will allieviate the boredom.
I never thought I'd be so glad to see Archer and T'Pol again. At least get us away from Cliche In Space.
"How much further? Are you sure this is the right direction?" My God, she's like a ten-year old on a road trip. Except less animated in her voice. And how does Trip know the internal layout of an alien ship he's never seen before so well to be able to crawl around internal duct work and find the way to the escape pod? I know Starfleet Engineers can turn "rocks into replicators" but this is ridiculous.
Yeah, right. She needs to tear her skirt to get into the pod and conveniently shows a bit of leg but still wears her high heels. Am I watching FOX all of a sudden? There's no lesbian sex as yet, so I guess it's still UPN.
"Why have I been brought here?" Well, Leper Boi, since this is an obvious redress of the Mess Hall, I think he's going to ply you with Chef's Rutabaga Surprise until you talk. "We're not here to talk about your partner - we're here to talk about you." This is no time to be hitting on him, Quantum.
Actually, this scene is quite funny. "Her punishments can be... severe." BDSM fans rejoice. This is probably the part that wasn't rewritten by Bermaga. I'm laughing out loud when I see Archer bowing to T'Pol in her Judge Pointy outfit.
Oh God, it's back to "Kiss Me, Trip". That's it, I so need comfort food after this.
"You're bleeding... remove your uniform." Is that the boom-chugga-wugga beat of porn music I hear in the background? In the words of Jay Sherman, "Here's one for the lay-dies!"
Oh? They're kissing? I stopped paying attention when he started going on about being King of the Swamp.
Okay, so in the middle of hot lovin' they somehow managed to get enough dry wood to make dinner. This is obviously some magical side effect of sex that I have yet to manage to master. The best I can do is try to order pizza at 4 in the morning. Sorry.
Oh, they're being rescued. And Archer comes across Trip in his underwear and says, "Is this a bad time?" Yes. Funny. Ha. Can I go now?
Most. Boring. Episode. Yet. Grade: D. I'm going to eat ramen now.
Thoughts while I watch...
Trip plays harmonica blues. My heart leaps as if to think this could be the replacement theme music for Enterprise, but deep down I know I can't be that lucky. And as the credits start up, this is confirmed. Damn you! Damn you for making me hope! But you reckon without the power of the fast forward. Victory is mine yet again. Yes, my life is sad. Shut up.
Man, look at the chin on that alien. Tons of Jay Leno jokes spring fleetingly to mind, but really, I got nothin'. Their noses look like the tips got bitten off, too. Maybe they're Space Lepers.
Yay! Hoshi! A guy from the Television Without Pity boards has been sending me scans of Linda Park's pictorial in Yolk magazine. One has her in hot pants. Gah. All I have to say is, "I'll be in my bunk."
"It's not polite to stare, Commander." Yeah, and that erection in your jumpsuit isn't particularly becoming either, Trip. I don't think drooling on a cryogenically frozen person is good for them. What would you call it - Cryonecrophilia? Which reminds me of an article in this month's Fortean Times, about a guy in Glasgow who got kicked out of the house by his wife when he was found in a blouse and rubber stockings having sex with a frozen chicken. She allegedly said, "You dirty bugger, that's for Sunday lunch!" and he replied, "Don't worry, we can still eat it." Yes, I'm digressing. Yes, I'm bored stiff already. No, not stiff like Trip, but stiff like... oh, you know what I mean. It's only eight minutes into the episode? Jesus God.
"Are you all right?" No, I'm screaming and banging on the glass case of this pod because that's a quaint native greeting from my home planet. Obviously, all the blood has rushed from your brain.
Watch out, Trip! Ow. Crowbar to the head. Never mind. Not a vital spot.
Ahhh! The ship's farting! Sneaky Space Lepers.
"Tu vad at!" Yes, Shaka, when the walls fell to you, too. Hey, it's worth a shot.
"Nu vas ta eva! Des tas!" Translation: My hovercraft is full of eels.
"Has trava! Duc la!" Translation: Try anything and I'll do the Charleston on your forehead with this crowbar.
"Slo vasa to raya!" Translation: Don't anger him, or he'll beat you to death with his woody.
"Am sotey" Translation: Lucy, you got a lot of 'splainin' to do!
Oh, forget it.
"My family is known on hundreds of worlds." What for, wooden acting? Jeez, I've seen more expression from a Cylon.
Krios Prime? So it is "Perfect Mate" all over again. I suddenly remember Famke Jansen and Patrick Stewart in that episode, and compare it to the pair we have here, and I feel like crying. Well, to be honest Connor Trineer isn't too bad - he's actually one of the better actors they have on the show, but the Trip character has never been developed properly beyond the Southern hick stage, which is a supreme tragedy. But I digress again. Because this episode is still boring me out of my fucking skull. Do I really want to watch the rest of this?
"With all due respect, I'm not one'a yer subjects." That's it, Trip. Get all manly and assertive and watch her melt. Like cheese over tuna. I'm hungry. Maybe food will allieviate the boredom.
I never thought I'd be so glad to see Archer and T'Pol again. At least get us away from Cliche In Space.
"How much further? Are you sure this is the right direction?" My God, she's like a ten-year old on a road trip. Except less animated in her voice. And how does Trip know the internal layout of an alien ship he's never seen before so well to be able to crawl around internal duct work and find the way to the escape pod? I know Starfleet Engineers can turn "rocks into replicators" but this is ridiculous.
Yeah, right. She needs to tear her skirt to get into the pod and conveniently shows a bit of leg but still wears her high heels. Am I watching FOX all of a sudden? There's no lesbian sex as yet, so I guess it's still UPN.
"Why have I been brought here?" Well, Leper Boi, since this is an obvious redress of the Mess Hall, I think he's going to ply you with Chef's Rutabaga Surprise until you talk. "We're not here to talk about your partner - we're here to talk about you." This is no time to be hitting on him, Quantum.
Actually, this scene is quite funny. "Her punishments can be... severe." BDSM fans rejoice. This is probably the part that wasn't rewritten by Bermaga. I'm laughing out loud when I see Archer bowing to T'Pol in her Judge Pointy outfit.
Oh God, it's back to "Kiss Me, Trip". That's it, I so need comfort food after this.
"You're bleeding... remove your uniform." Is that the boom-chugga-wugga beat of porn music I hear in the background? In the words of Jay Sherman, "Here's one for the lay-dies!"
Oh? They're kissing? I stopped paying attention when he started going on about being King of the Swamp.
Okay, so in the middle of hot lovin' they somehow managed to get enough dry wood to make dinner. This is obviously some magical side effect of sex that I have yet to manage to master. The best I can do is try to order pizza at 4 in the morning. Sorry.
Oh, they're being rescued. And Archer comes across Trip in his underwear and says, "Is this a bad time?" Yes. Funny. Ha. Can I go now?
Most. Boring. Episode. Yet. Grade: D. I'm going to eat ramen now.
