"British Rocket Group's got its own problems..."

"Welcome to Mars"

Ever since you, the people of Britain, elected me as your representative, I have been looking forward to saying those very words. And ‘looking forward’ beautifully sums up what the Guinevere Project represents.

Over the last six months, the British Government has committed itself to enriching the lives of its people. Unemployment is at an all-time low. Our health service is offering its highest ever level of service, thanks to the Cottage Hospitals initiative.

Thanks to improved teaching methods and our ‘Better School Lunches’ campaign, our children are brighter and healthier than any of their ancestors. We’ve even got the trains running on time! We're entering a Golden Age and, with the successful completion of Guinevere One, we’ll be taking our first determined steps into that Age.

Great Britain has always aimed high. As a nation of pioneers and explorers, our pluck and spirit has made us the envy of the world. This Christmas, however, we’ll be scaling even greater heights as we reach out into that great unknown – space. Two months ago, the Guinevere Probe was launched into the Earth’s atmosphere. Its mission is one of peace, goodwill and scientific exploration.

I can take no credit for the success of Guinevere. That belongs to Professor Daniel Llewellyn and his team at the British Rocket Group. They are the people who’ve made this dream a reality. Their blood, sweat and tears have propelled Great Britain to the front of the Space Race. They are the people that, like you, make this country a great one. A country that I am proud and honoured to represent.

This year has been an exciting and fulfilling year for me personally and I’m looking forward to a relaxing Christmas at home with my elderly mother. We’ll be settling down in front of the television with a box of chocolates and a small glass of sherry each and we hope you’ll join us. Whether you’re in Birmingham or Glasgow, Cardiff or London, at home with your family or socialising in a refreshingly smoke-free pub, we hope you’ll join us in watching the first live pictures from the surface of Mars. Let’s raise a glass and wish Professor Llewellyn and his team the best of British luck.

Bon voyage, Guinevere!
Your faithful servant,



Harriet Jones, Prime Minister

In the useless toys category...

I give you Typewriter Keyboard, a Mac OS X shareware application that makes your keyboard do typewriting sounds when you strike the keys.

It's a small thing, but it makes me somehow feel, when I'm writing, that I'm writing, y'know?

Now, if only I could find some way to make the keys look like that on an old Smith-Corona, like Spider Jerusalem's...