khaosworks | Equal opportunity parody

Listening to Carla Ulbrich's "Please Do Something Stupid" this morning, and decided on telling the men's side of the horror.

Please Do Something Stupid (The Boy's Side)
Lyrics (C) 2000 by Terence Chua
(to the tune of "Please Do Something Stupid" by Carla Ulbrich)

I could always find a reason why a girl was just the pits
She was sad or bad or psycho - or she liked to pop her zits
But you look simply perfect and we seem quite the pair
It's got to be admitted that you don't have much nose hair

CHORUS:
Won't you please do something stupid so I can get over you
If you really cared about me it's the least that you would do
The perfect gal's not in my plans; I just can't work it out
'Cause you see what I'm really needing is someone to bitch about

On our very first date you didn't drink the bar
You didn't yell at all the waiters or order caviar
You didn't ask me what my sign was, or pick food off my plate
You didn't call my mother to discuss a wedding date
When I dropped you off you even asked me upstairs for a drink
I saw that you don't train your cats to piddle in the sink

CHORUS

I've never had to think hard of rationales to leave
You don't even try my patience - won't you give me a reprieve?
It's strange for me to sit down and just have a normal chat
Are you sure that you're not schizo, 'cause I know just how to deal with that

I don't know how to deal with someone that I could love
That's why I've dated women with something loose above
I've slept with serial killers, I've dined with girls named "Bob"
Oh do me a great favor, please turn out to be a slob

CHORUS