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You Mean, We Haven't Been Doing This Already?

By Mr. Terence Chua, going, "Well, duh!"

High-tech snooping for bin Laden

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- U.S. forces searching for al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden along the mountainous border between Pakistan and Afghanistan will soon implement high-tech surveillance tactics in the region, enabling them to monitor the area 24 hours a day, seven days a week, CNN has learned.

It's believed that the constant surveillance of the border region and the "squeeze play" by U.S. and Pakistani forces surrounding the mountainous frontier will present the best chance ever to net the world's most-wanted terrorist.

Bin Laden has eluded capture since U.S. troops launched a search for him in late 2001.

Top administration officials believe bin Laden may begin to feel the heat from the troops now hunting him and might start to move.

"We are putting the pieces in place to throw the net over him," one official told CNN.

SCENE: A high tech nerve center in the Pentagon, with highly sophisticated satellite feeds. In the dark glow of the screens, a GENERAL stands shaking his head, with a stoic LIEUTENANT by his side.

GENERAL: I don't understand it! We've been scanning those hills for over two years now, and we still haven't figured out where Osama is hiding!

LIEUTENANT: Actually, sir, we haven't been.

The GENERAL does a double take and looks at the LIEUTENANT.

GENERAL: What?

LIEUTENANT: Well, sir, I mean, we have been watching those hills for over two years... but only during office hours.

There is a long pause.

GENERAL: During office hours.

LIEUTENANT: Yes, sir.

GENERAL: During. Office. Hours.

LIEUTENANT: Yes, sir.

Another pause. The GENERAL lowers his head and rubs his eyes, tiredly.

GENERAL: You're... telling me... that we've been looking for Osama bin Laden, the most dangerous criminal mastermind on the face of the planet, the man who orchestrated the biggest terrorist incident on American soil, the man whom we've been searching for ever since September 11, 2001 - you're telling me that for the past two years we've only been looking for him...

LIEUTENANT: ...between 0800 hrs and 1700 hrs Eastern Standard Time, except for between 1200 hrs and 1300 hrs for lunch and between 1600 hrs and 1630 hrs for a coffee break. Sir. And maybe a cigarette break every now and...

The GENERAL holds up a finger to interrupt him.

GENERAL: Lieutenant, what's the time difference between here and Pakistan?

LIEUTENANT: (counts on his fingers) 10 hours ahead, sir.

GENERAL: So, when we've been looking, what time is it for him?

LIEUTENANT: His time, between 6 pm and... 3 am, sir. Except for...

GENERAL: Lunch, yes. But mostly, after dark.

LIEUTENANT: Mostly, yes, sir.

GENERAL: When he's asleep.

LIEUTENANT: I... think so, sir.

GENERAL: Indoors.

LIEUTENANT: Probably, sir.

GENERAL: And you don't think there's a problem with this search pattern?

LIEUTENANT: (blinks) I don't think, sir. That's not in our mission statement.

The GENERAL quietly turns away and starts pounding his head in a steady rhythm against the nearest wall.