khaosworks | Mugged in London

Some moron just tried the Facebook "mugged in London" scam on me. Transcript follows. Name of friend redacted for privacy reasons.

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Friend: Hey Terence
Friend: how are you doing?
Terence Chua: Not too bad. Work's busy as usual, but good kind of busy.
Terence Chua: What's up?
Friend: i'm not good
Terence Chua: What's the matter?
Friend: i'm in a deep mess and i need your help at the moment
Terence Chua: Sure. Tell me about it.
Friend: i'm stuck in London

Spider-sense went off here

Friend: i was mugged at gun point
Terence Chua: Okay...
Friend: all cash on me was stolen including credit cards and cellphone
Terence Chua: And...?
Friend: i was injured on my right hand
Terence Chua: You should go to the cops, get to the American Embassy.
Friend: i went to the police and embassy and was told to wait for 3-4 days
Friend: that isn't helping matters at all

Come on. Be an ugly American. Demand the Embassy put you up. You're an American citizen!

Terence Chua: So what do you want?
Friend: My return flight leaves in less than 3hrs and i am having problems in sorting my hotel bills and also getting a cab back to the airport....

So, let the flight lapse. You've got bigger problems.

Friend: just wondering if you could loan me some few bucks
Friend: I'll refund it as soon as i get back

And here's the pitch...

Terence Chua: And how much would that be?
Friend: $850

DING. Let's do some probing.

Terence Chua: What are you doing in London anyway?
Friend: came to visit a resort

A resort? In London? A tiger? In Africa?

Terence Chua: Which resort?
Friend: i'm really freaked out here
Terence Chua: Which resort? I don't remember any resorts in London.

Obviously guy doesn't know that I actually lived in London. Wonder if he even knows that I'm in Singapore and I'm not going to be Friend's first point of call. Still, keeping an open mind... it's late in the US and I could be the only one who's awake.

Friend: i will explain it to you as soon as i get back

How? You'll be in the freaking US when you get back and I'm in Singapore. Why not explain to me now?

Friend: ok
Friend: please i'm just freaked out here
Friend: i have limited time here
Terence Chua: Where are you chatting from?
Friend: i'm in a local library at the moment
Friend: please can you loan me the money

Nice try. Local libraries open at 9.00 a.m. GMT. This conversation started a full ten minutes before then. But, I'm not completely heartless. I have friends in London. I've got lots of friends willing to do me a favour. I'll throw him a bone.

Terence Chua: Which part of London? I can get a friend to come pick you up.
Terence Chua: I've got loads of people in London.
Friend: can you loan me the money i don't anyone one coming to pick me up
Terence Chua: They'll put you up for a few days.
Friend: ok
Terence Chua: So just tell me where you are, the address and stuff, and I'll call them right away.
Friend: ok
Friend: thanks
Terence Chua: Hey.
Friend: i guess you aren't helping my situation

Ooooh, guilt trip. And he realizes I'm not buying it. So, before he logs off...

Terence Chua: Because I know this isn't you, you stupid fucker.
Terence Chua: I'm not a moron.
Terence Chua: I'm telling [redacted] his account's been hacked.

Friend Changed status to Offline (5:04:35 PM)

Naturally, I'm removed from Friend's friend list so I can't warn him. But I can warn his sister. For more details on this old, low-tech scam, see http://is.gd/53dwU