Worst. Episode. Ever
Oct. 16th, 2002 11:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
khaosworksUgh. That's all I can say. Worse than I imagined. Watch the episode first, and my thoughts will make sense. On second thought, spare yourself and don't watch it.
Thoughts as I watch...
"Starfleet didn't send us out here to humiliate ourselves!" Uh... way to say that when you're rubbing Jell-O on a beagle. The scene here's not very sexy, really - it's hard to be titillated when I'm focusing on how cute Porthos is... uh... let me rephrase that.
Porthos left all alone in the decon room. Awwww!
Written by Bermaga. Begin sinking feeling.
As much as I echo Archer's sentiments about getting back at the Kreetassans if their carelessness have hurt Porthos... overreacting, much? I mean, it's almost like declaring war on a country just because it tried to kill your Dad once... uh... let me rephrase that.
Porthos is just breaking my heart.
Okay, Archer's just being a jerk now. If my dog peed on a cultural treasure I can understand them being a little peeved. I'm convinced now that Bermaga should not be let near a word processor - Scott is too good an actor to wasted on the crap they write. "There are some things more important than plasma injectors." Yeah, but at this stage, what? Your ego? Get some goddamn perspective, will ya? "If anything happens to Porthos - I'll be the one watering their Alvira trees." Thank you for that image. Eww. How can you write such lousy dialogue without exacting the wrath of some god of good taste or something?
"The Denobulan lemur is much sought after. It's not a dog, but it's dog-like. It's got fur. A tail. Most have one head." Hee. Go Phlox. Billingsley rules. It's all in the delivery. Which is what puzzles me about Bakula, really. He used to be such a good actor.
Jeez, they really seem to be going out of their way to write Quantum as a complete dickhead. He's petulant, arrogant, refuses to apologize, intolerant of other species, competes with T'Pol on a treadmill... I mean, yeah, maybe they're trying to show that he's learning, but you don't have to write him down to build him up. You're tossing away every scrap of character development or maturity he might have built up over the past year. This Archer shouldn't even be in command of a toilet brush. Should his crew even respect him?
How do Kreetassans know about chainsaws?
"How long has it been since you were intimate with a woman?" Jeez, bite his head off, will you? It's a legitimate question coming from your Chief Medical Officer. Trust me, Quantum - the way you're acting right now, I've never seen a man more in need of a blowjob.
"For the past few months I've seen increasing friction between you and the Sub-Commander..." Huh? Not that I've noticed. In fact, since the latter part of Season 1 and Season 2 so far, they've been getting along swimmingly - which is what I like seeing, as it reminds me of the Kirk/Spock partnership. Does Bermaga even watch their own series' episodes?
Hoshi rules. No question.
Obvious dream sequence. Yawn. We've seen this before, guys, just with less skin. Try another one.
"Doing the breast I can." Anvil. "Send me your lips." BONG. Not even funny.
And I really don't care how much Quantum is on edge here, if I were Phlox I wouldn't cut him that much slack about him being so goddamn judgmental. Hey, maybe this entire sexual tension thing is Phlox playing a prank on Quantum just to torture him by subtly suggesting it to him. Yeah, that sounds appealing.
"He'll have the ability to blend into the background when frightened." Heh. Actually, the idea of a chameleon beagle is kind of funny. But obviously Quantum Dumbass here never passed biology - getting that ability because of a pituitary gland? Please.
You see, this is what I'm talking about. If the idea is to show Quantum growing, let him grow from the point we see him usually. To actually regress his character, as if he's learned nothing in the last year, is to insult our intelligence as well as derail the character. That's bad continuity, not to mention bad writing.
What's worse is that Bermaga obviously know that Quantum is being written like a buffoon - witness the comments by the other characters - so they're deliberately writing him like that. Why, in God's name? Why make your leading man a complete asshole?
Oh God. The dance. The dance! My eyes! My poor eyes!
Oh god, the "hypothetical-if-we-were-attracted-to-each-other" speech. How many cliches must be dredged up? Someone recommend me a hypnotherapist to wipe this episode from my mind.
Except for the bits about Porthos. He's so cute.
Grade: D - it misses an "F" only because of Porthos.
Thoughts as I watch...
"Starfleet didn't send us out here to humiliate ourselves!" Uh... way to say that when you're rubbing Jell-O on a beagle. The scene here's not very sexy, really - it's hard to be titillated when I'm focusing on how cute Porthos is... uh... let me rephrase that.
Porthos left all alone in the decon room. Awwww!
Written by Bermaga. Begin sinking feeling.
As much as I echo Archer's sentiments about getting back at the Kreetassans if their carelessness have hurt Porthos... overreacting, much? I mean, it's almost like declaring war on a country just because it tried to kill your Dad once... uh... let me rephrase that.
Porthos is just breaking my heart.
Okay, Archer's just being a jerk now. If my dog peed on a cultural treasure I can understand them being a little peeved. I'm convinced now that Bermaga should not be let near a word processor - Scott is too good an actor to wasted on the crap they write. "There are some things more important than plasma injectors." Yeah, but at this stage, what? Your ego? Get some goddamn perspective, will ya? "If anything happens to Porthos - I'll be the one watering their Alvira trees." Thank you for that image. Eww. How can you write such lousy dialogue without exacting the wrath of some god of good taste or something?
"The Denobulan lemur is much sought after. It's not a dog, but it's dog-like. It's got fur. A tail. Most have one head." Hee. Go Phlox. Billingsley rules. It's all in the delivery. Which is what puzzles me about Bakula, really. He used to be such a good actor.
Jeez, they really seem to be going out of their way to write Quantum as a complete dickhead. He's petulant, arrogant, refuses to apologize, intolerant of other species, competes with T'Pol on a treadmill... I mean, yeah, maybe they're trying to show that he's learning, but you don't have to write him down to build him up. You're tossing away every scrap of character development or maturity he might have built up over the past year. This Archer shouldn't even be in command of a toilet brush. Should his crew even respect him?
How do Kreetassans know about chainsaws?
"How long has it been since you were intimate with a woman?" Jeez, bite his head off, will you? It's a legitimate question coming from your Chief Medical Officer. Trust me, Quantum - the way you're acting right now, I've never seen a man more in need of a blowjob.
"For the past few months I've seen increasing friction between you and the Sub-Commander..." Huh? Not that I've noticed. In fact, since the latter part of Season 1 and Season 2 so far, they've been getting along swimmingly - which is what I like seeing, as it reminds me of the Kirk/Spock partnership. Does Bermaga even watch their own series' episodes?
Hoshi rules. No question.
Obvious dream sequence. Yawn. We've seen this before, guys, just with less skin. Try another one.
"Doing the breast I can." Anvil. "Send me your lips." BONG. Not even funny.
And I really don't care how much Quantum is on edge here, if I were Phlox I wouldn't cut him that much slack about him being so goddamn judgmental. Hey, maybe this entire sexual tension thing is Phlox playing a prank on Quantum just to torture him by subtly suggesting it to him. Yeah, that sounds appealing.
"He'll have the ability to blend into the background when frightened." Heh. Actually, the idea of a chameleon beagle is kind of funny. But obviously Quantum Dumbass here never passed biology - getting that ability because of a pituitary gland? Please.
You see, this is what I'm talking about. If the idea is to show Quantum growing, let him grow from the point we see him usually. To actually regress his character, as if he's learned nothing in the last year, is to insult our intelligence as well as derail the character. That's bad continuity, not to mention bad writing.
What's worse is that Bermaga obviously know that Quantum is being written like a buffoon - witness the comments by the other characters - so they're deliberately writing him like that. Why, in God's name? Why make your leading man a complete asshole?
Oh God. The dance. The dance! My eyes! My poor eyes!
Oh god, the "hypothetical-if-we-were-attracted-to-each-other" speech. How many cliches must be dredged up? Someone recommend me a hypnotherapist to wipe this episode from my mind.
Except for the bits about Porthos. He's so cute.
Grade: D - it misses an "F" only because of Porthos.
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Date: 2002-10-17 07:37 am (UTC)