an icepick through the keyhole

A good friend is the one who comes and bails out your ass.

A true friend is the one handcuffed beside you saying, "Dude. We fucked up."

To prove that there is nothing that people cannot geek about and to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves, I give you...


airline spoon

... Snape and Draco live happily ever after and raise little Death Eaters.

... the punchline to the Voldemort has no nose joke.

... Dumbledore is Voldemort's alter ego.

... Hermione is a man...

... and is Harry's father...

... and Ron doesn't mind.

... the last words of the book are "Don't Stop..." and it ends on a blank page.

... Harry doesn't die, it's just a simple misunderstanding about him sleeping with the fishes.

... Ginny Weasley turns out to be Harry's time travelling mother.

... Cthulhu eats everyone.

The really sad and scary part is that all of us World of Warcraft players can understand exactly how this works...

How to pick up women, WOW-style

How to date women, WOW-style

And coming soon, "How to date women (Heroic level), WOW-style".

So, I'm looking at Penny Arcade's latest offering, a relatively funny piece about the Zune, and when I hit the last panel my mind automatically tries to fit the lyrics to "Sometimes When We Touch" — taking me to a dark in my mind where I never wanted to go again lest I scream out in terror at the memory of countless covers of this — before I realise it's not that song.

Turns out it's a new kind of terror entirely: "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada, someone who I've never heard of (and that's when yet another example of my encroaching old fogeyness hits me), and when I watch the music video I sit, slack-jawed in amazement at the banality of the music, although I admit the video does have some mild amusement value.

Two thoughts collide almost simultaneously, reminding me of my popular culture contamination by both sides of the Atlantic.

First, Natalie Horler, the lead singer of Cascada, looks like a young Camille Coduri, so if they want someone to play a younger Jackie Tyler, that's your girl.

Second, listening to the electro-pop melody of the song, I keep expecting Mr Six, that wrinkled old guy from the Six Flags commercials, to jump out and start boogie-ing down. I mean seriously, it's the same bloody instruments.

This is what it is like to live inside my brain. It hurts.

The FurReal Friends Butterscotch Pony comes with this caveat to the buyer:

Adults take note: Pony comes unassembled in box with head detatched. You may wish to not open the box around your children if they may be frightened by a box with a decapitated horse inside.

If I ordered this for my kids... well, the temptation would just kill me.

Old news to my Jewish friends, most likely, but I just came across this.



Messiah Bold ("It's the beer you've been waiting for!") from the Shmaltz Brewing Company, who have a variety of He'Brew: The Chosen Beer varieties available, including Genesis 10:10 (10th anniversary brew, using pomegranate juice), Genesis Ale ("Our first creation") and Bittersweet Lenny's R.I.P.A. (a rye-based IPA in tribute to Lenny Bruce). All kosher-certified and rabbi-approved, of course.

For more "Gadgets for God", go to Ship of Fools. In the "Just In!" section, I'm particularly disturbedenamoured of "Faith Mountain", which made me break the third commandment when I saw it (uh, not that I strictly adhere to that one all the time...).

Although to be honest, the "Ten Plagues Finger Puppets" is probably more disturbing, particularly the one that stands in for the Death of the First-Born... and even more disturbingly... I want a set.